+JMJ
A Contemplative Moment From the Gospel of Matthew
The Pride That Dwells Within Me
I was reflecting on my post from last week (Found Here), and how deep the pride within me goes.
How strong my desire is to be recognized, praised, and honored. The great satisfaction I receive from receiving such commendations.
How I desire to be sought out for answers and confided in by other people.
How I desire to gain approval in every choice I make from those around me. Always looking for that pat on the back.
Then, on the other hand, a looming fear always in the back of my mind. The fear of doing something wrong. The fear of being scolded if I do mess up. The fear of being blamed for something I haven’t done. All pointing to the pride that dwells within me.
All this pride gets in the way of loving the Lord as I should.
The Greatest Commandment
I sat meditating upon The Greatest Commandment when the Lord showed me, that I have a long way to go in order to love Him as He commands me too.
When the Pharisees heard that He had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together, and one of them [a scholar of the law] tested Him by asking, “Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?” He said to him, “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest commandment. The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments.”
Matthew 22:34-40
I felt the need during this reading, to just sit for 15 minutes, at the least, and give Jesus my whole self. To truly love Him completely the way the Commandment says, with all my heart, soul, and mind.
No easy feat considering all the pride I was discovering in myself…
My mind moved to ways in order to accomplish this, despite the pride I know I harbor. I felt pulled to pray the Litany of Humility, and the Lord blessed me with the following contemplation.
Jesus stands in a bright, white, exquisite room. Huge vaulted ceilings and spotless marble floors. He looks exactly how I picture Him wearing the Crown of Thorns: Bound, bruised, and bloody. Blood pools on the marble floor, a stark contrast to the pristine white of the room.
I approached Him, my footsteps echoing off the walls of the empty room. I kneeled down before Him and begin the Litany.
O, Jesus! Meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
I take His bound hands in my own.
“From the desire of being esteemed, deliver me, Jesus.”
He reminds me of all the times I desired to be revered by those around me. I press my lips gently to His tattered fingers.
“From the desire of being loved, deliver me, Jesus.”
He reminds me of all the times I have sought love from others, instead of going to Him. I press my lips to His bounds hands.
“From the desire of being extolled, deliver me, Jesus.”
He reminds me of all the times I glorified myself in the commendations of others. I kiss His pitiful hands.
“From the desire of being honored, deliver me, Jesus.”
He reminds me of all the times I sought to be better than those around me and relished in it. I kiss His woefully wounded hands.
“From the desire of being praised, deliver me, Jesus.”
He reminds me of all the times I sought and desired to be admired by others. I kiss His feeble hands.
“From the desire of being preferred to others, deliver me, Jesus.”
He reminds me of all the times I desired to be chosen to perform any task, even ones I don’t like, for the sake of being the one chosen. I kiss His frail hands.
“From the desire of being consulted, deliver me, Jesus.”
He reminds me of all the times I sought undue respect from those around me. I kiss His weakened Hands.
“From the desire of being approved, deliver me, Jesus.”
He reminds me of all the times I sought favor from those around me and above others. I kiss His vulnerable Hands.
“From the fear of being humiliated, deliver me, Jesus.”
He reminds me of all the times I avoided being disgraced by covering my mistakes. I kiss His wretched Hands.
“From the fear of being despised, deliver me, Jesus.”
He reminds me of all the times I lingered over the idea that someone may not like me. I kiss His afflicted Hands.
“From the fear of suffering rebukes, deliver me, Jesus.”
He reminds me of all the times I failed to take criticism well. I kiss His suffering hands.
“From the Fear of being calumniated, deliver me, Jesus.”
He reminds me of all the times I grew angry for being accused of something I did not do. I kiss His brittle hands.
“From the fear of being forgotten, deliver me, Jesus.”
He reminds me of all the times I despaired because my needs went unnoticed by others. I kiss His shattered hands.
“From the fear of being ridiculed, deliver me, Jesus.”
He reminded me of all the times I was made fun of and was bitter over it. I kiss His mutilated hands.
“From the fear of being wronged, deliver me, Jesus.”
He reminded me of all the times I was treated unfairly and let it fill me with resentment. I kiss His disheartened hands.
“From the fear of being suspected, deliver me, Jesus.”
He reminded me of all the times someone doubted me and I was filled with dread. I kiss His dejected Hands.
“That others may be loved more than I. Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.”
Lord, I beg thee to make me accept being hated in Your Name.
“That others may be esteemed more than I. Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.”
Lord, I beg thee to make me accept being abandoned in Your Name.
“That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease. Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.”
Lord, I beg thee to make me accept being disregarded in Your Name.
“That others may be chosen and I set aside. Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.”
Lord, I beg thee to make me accept being ignored in Your Name.
“That others may be praised and I unnoticed. Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.”
Lord, I beg thee to make me accept being disapproved in Your Name.
“That others may be preferred to me in everything. Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.”
Lord, I beg thee to make me accept being rejected in Your Name.
“That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should.”
I send a deeply sincere plea from my mind, heart, and soul for His forgiveness. Begging Him to accept my miserable excuse for love and make it perfect, as He is perfect.
Humble Love
True love, cannot happen without humility. I cannot love Our Lord perfectly when I love myself so much.
This contemplation, just as the stark contrast between my bloody, beaten Lord is compared to the pristine white room, shows me the stark contrast between my version of love and how the Lord actually calls me to love.
It shows the contrast of how highly I hold myself, and how lowly Our Lord is.
The contrast between where I thought I was spiritually and in my relationship with Jesus, and how far I actually have to go.
Thrive in Jesus, my Friends!
What ways do you show the Lord you love Him? What ways do you practice humility? Have you noticed any pride in your own life? Drop me a comment and let me know!