+JMJ
I have been stuck in a pit of desolation for weeks. It has made doing everything very difficult. Prayer has just been… hard…. I have had almost no desire to sit and mediate. Writing has been hard…. I have had zero energy to put anything down on paper. Going to work has been hard… I have no interested in doing what is required of me. Taking care of the people I love has been hard…. I just felt like I was stuck in a ring of confusion and darkness.
After speaking with my Spiritual Director and taking a much needed break visiting home, I have been able to work through a lot of this desolation and let go of the heaviness of it.
My Spiritual Director has instructed me to begin praying through the Gospel of John. It is by far my favorite book in the Bible, and the Lord blessed me through it with a little bit of light in the darkness. A reassurance that He has and was all I needed.
The Wedding at Cana
And the third day, there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee, and the Mother of Jesus was there. And Jesus also was invited, and His disciples, to the marriage. And the winds failing, the Mother of Jesus saith to him, “They have no wine.” And Jesus saith to her, “Woman, what is that to me and to thee? My hour is not yet come.” His mother saith to the waiters, “Whatosever He shall say to you, do ye.”
Now there were set there six water pots of stone, according tot he manner of the purifying of the Jews, containing two or three measures apiece. Jesus saith to them, “Fill the water pots with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. And Jesus saith to them, “Draw out now, and carry to the chief steward of the feast.” And they carried it.
And when the chief steward had tasted the water made wine, and knew not whence it was, but the waiters knew who had drawn the water, the chief steward called the bridegroom. And he saith to him, “Every man at first setteth forth good wine, and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse. But thou hast kept the good wine until now.” -John 2:1-10
My Contemplation
I am a servant at the wedding. It isn’t the largest wedding I have ever served, but there is still a feeling of majestic simplicity about it. Garlands of flowers decorate everything and release a sweet aroma. The music carries a joy through the air, that makes everyone dance.
I am mainly in charge of refilling the food and pouring wine. All the celebration keeps me very busy. Everyone is eating and drinking.
I am the one who discovers that we are out of wine. A wave of panic comes over me as I inform the head waiter. I watch as the miracle unfolds. His glory realized, manifested, and tangible in the wine.
I am overcome as I stare into the water pots now filled to the brim with wine. I turn to Him, who seems to have waited for me, and fall to my knees at His feet. The words of His Mother echo in my head, “They have no wine.” This is what pours out in my tears…. That “I have no strength…. I have no perseverance…. I have no diligence… I have no discipline…”
He hears the words of my heart, bends down to me, and whispers, “But I do.”
I had been relying on myself too much. Spinning in circles in the darkness, not knowing where to go, or what to do. The desolation deepened because I didn’t turn to Him for help.
The difference this time around, however, is that I was aware of it. I remember a time when this would have really overtaken me. The desolation would have felt completely hopeless. But the Lord reminds me that He brought me through this before. That is where the comfort, peace, and perseverance comes from for me. Whatever you are going through right now, turn the our Lord for help. He possesses all the strength, patience, perseverance, discipline, and diligence you could ever need. Let Him care for you, provide for you, and help you.
Thrive in Jesus, My Friends!
How do you handle desolation? What do you need the Lord to help you with? What can you ask Him for? Strength? Peace? Perseverance? Leave me a comment and let me know!
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