I was speaking to my Spiritual Director about desolation and she pointed out to me that there are two types: Spiritual and Physical. Physical desolation, she said, where things such as not getting enough sleep, hunger, illness, fatigue, injury, etc. These things, she said, get in the way of being able to focus on God and should be taken care of before I sit down to pray. She defined Spiritual desolation as being a feeling of separation from God. Physical desolation can be deemed spiritual when a person does not have a true understanding of themselves, and of God. They can mistake one for the other, which can inhibit growth spiritually.
This caused some confusion within me because what about redemptive suffering? What about penance? What if the Lord sends physical desolation in order to: 1. Teach me a lesson (not in a vindictive way of course) and 2. To offer as a penance and redemptive suffering. I have read about too many Saints that suffered greatly, physically and spiritually to think that I should just always seek to be comfortable. I also struggle with the fact that the Lord brought me back to Him through great suffering in illness. Not that I would seek to ‘make myself sick,” but would perhaps consider not taking an ibuprofen when I have a headache, as an example, to offer as redemptive suffering. Especially since I have such a devotion to our Lord, Crowned with Thorns.
The Lord revealed some insight into these ideas and confusions through the following contemplation and through the wisdom of a dear Priest friend of mine.
Take Up Your Cross
Then Jesus said to His disciples: “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For he that will save his life, shall lose it: and he that shall lose his life for My sake, shall find it. For what doth it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, and suffer the loss of his own soul? Or what exchange shall a man give for his soul? For the Son of Man shall come in the glory of his Father with his angels: and then will He render to every man according to his works.” -Matthew 16:24-27
Garden of Crosses
I walk with Jesus in a place filled with crosses. He reveals that these are the unassigned crosses. Crosses waiting to be given to people. Crosses waiting their purpose. Crosses waiting to be picked up. They are all pretty plain looking, just regular wood, just in varying sizes and weights. As we walk along, I can see the ones I would prefer: small and light looking. I am drawn, of course, to the ones that seem like they would not be difficult to carry. How very typical of my nature. But the Lord does not comment on this at all, but leads me to a door.
It opens to the outside, where I am nearly blinded by the dazzling sunshine reflecting off the hundreds of crosses planted in the ground. These crosses are gilded with gold, sparkling, and sprouting flowers all over them.
The Lord reveals that these crosses had been picked up and carried after Him. They had been faithfully borne and offered up. They are graces in bloom. They are budding virtues. They are made beautiful through long suffering and offering it up for love of Him.
Which Cross?
In the conversation with my Priest friend, he brought up that we should firstly accept crosses that befall us concerning our state in life and secondly, accept crosses that are outside out control. Our crosses are individualized and we receive specific graces to carry those crosses.
The example my Priest friend gave was that, “St. John Vianney slept only two hours per night and survived on one or two potatoes per day, but if someone decided to just follow him in this they might fail terribly. He was given the grace to do those things and a person might receive the grace to imitate him exactly, or not.”
So, as important as it is to discern our actions, we must also discern our crosses.
Will this cross inhibit my ability to perform my state in life? Will this cross bring me closer to God? Is this cross a distraction from one what is more fitting?
Let Him Choose
Have you ever seen the painting, The Christian Soul accepts the Cross, c. 1630. Museo del Prado, Madrid, Spain? It depicts almost exactly what the Lord blessed me with in my head. Unfortunately, I can’t actually share the painting here because of copyright laws, but click the link to take a look. (I receive no compensation for sharing the above link.)
Our Lord carried His cross, bending at the weight of all the sins committed throughout all of human existence, but picked it up, carried it, and died upon it with the greatest love for the pitiful human soul.
As I walked among the cross, I could see the ones I would prefer…. I think most of us would like to be given little crosses, that don’t weigh very much, and don’t cost very much. But this may not be for my greater good….
Like I said above, it is important to discern our crosses. The ones we have control over, I mean. In going with the above example above, there is a difference between not getting enough sleep because we are up watching TV versus, not getting enough sleep because we are up caring for a sick family member. Choosing to stay up and not get enough sleep could possible put undue stress on the body and make you unable to perform the things that are required for you state in life. The Lord, will however, provide the graces you need to take care of a sick family member and then help you through your duties the following day.
So, What is the best way to discern our crosses? Let Him pick and assign them to you. Do your very best not to get in His way by making decisions to take up crosses without consulting Him first. Try not to add additional crosses, that may be good and profitable, but may be the devil attempting to distract you from the crosses the Lord, really wants you to carry. Instead simplify your life so that you can accept willingly and with an open heart the crosses He chooses.
Lord, show me the crosses that come from You. What crosses do I need to let go of? Which cross do I need to pick up? Which crosses will profit your kingdom and myself the most?
It is important to understand where we are in our lives and accept the cross that come with it. Let the Lord choose your crosses. Then, pick them up and follow Him, bearing it faithfully and with the greatest love. Do this because our Lord did it for you.
Thrive in Jesus, my Friends!
Are you taking on too many crosses? Are you accepting the one the Lord is sending? How can you simplify your life to follow Him more closely?
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