+JMJ
Lent is almost over. It seems like it has gone really fast to me. It makes me wonder if I picked a heavy enough penance. That maybe I didn’t suffer enough.
I think this is true. That I might have taken it too easy.
This is what recurrent sins do though. They make me numb to the true damage that my sins do to our Lord. They make me think that a weak penance is sufficient. That I cannot handle a stricter or heavier penance because it might break me.
But then the Lord shows me a tiny taste of His suffering and the penance He undertook for my sake. It makes me feel so pitifully weak and worthy. Which is also true. But the Lord allows this wretched feeling in order to show me the greatness of His love.
The Mockery of the Soldiers
Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus inside the praetorium and gathered the whole cohort around Him. They striped off His clothes and threw a scarlet military cloak about Him. Weaving a crown our of thorns, they placed it on His head, and a reed in His right hand. And kneeling before Him, they mocked Him, saying, “Hail, King of the Jews!” They spat on Him and took the reed and kept striking Him on the head. And when they had mocked Him, they stripped Him of the cloak, dressed Him in His own clothes, and led Him off to crucify Him.
-Matthew 27:27-31
My Contemplation
I am one of the soldiers. I follow as some of my comrades push Jesus towards the entrance of the praetorium. They shove Him so hard He falls against the steps, but does not fight back. All my fellow soldiers are shouting demeaning things at Him. As I make my way towards the center of the room, I catch my cloak on the sword of someone near me, ripping a gaping hole in it. I become agitated and untie it and remove it from my shoulders. I stand at the edge of the circle around Jesus. The room is deafeningly loud with the shouts and curses of those around me.
Then someone calls for a cloak. I look down at the torn cloak in my hands. It is ripped anyway and no use to me now. They throw it around Jesus’ shoulders, shoving Him again to His hands and knees. I see one of the other soldiers carefully weaves a crown of thorns from the branches of a bush outside. They hand it to me jeering and shove me towards Jesus to place it on His head.
I raise it up careful not to stab my self with it. He bends forward slightly, making it easier for me to place it on His head. He looks up then and His eyes meet mine. I am overwhelmed with sorrow as I see the agony and torment hidden silently in His eyes. I am crushed by the anguish I feel because of my lack of love and lack of courage. My heart is pierced by my inability to refuse those around me and stand up for Him.
They shove a reed in my hand and demand that I make Him hold it like a scepter. Jesus reaches out and takes it from me gently. Willingly. I melt back into the crowd lost in the horror of what I was just involved in. They continue to beat Him, spit on Him, and shout obscene things at Him.
When they have had enough they tear my cloak off of Him and throw it on the ground. They shove Him out the door to be crucified. I am left alone as everyone leaves to watch the next horrific spectacle. I stoop down to pick up the cloak and find that it is whole. The tear is gone and the cloak is completely mended.
I can see that Jesus kept taking penance after penance. Accepted them, wanted them, longing for them even. It is a strange concept I know. To long for suffering and penance. But when you can see the good it does, the fruit of it, the complete love of it, the desire grows.
The truth of this contemplation weighs heavy on me. The beauty of our Lord is often hidden making it so easy for me to partake in the atrocities committed against Him. It is so easy to just commit sins left and right without really seeing the damaged they are causing Him. That is unless I take the time to witness His Passion and death in prayer. This should, like St. Catherine of Genoa states, make me want to “love and serve Him better.”
Holy Week is next week. It is a perfect time to really try to imitate out Lord and willingly take on extra penances in reparation for the sins we commit day in and day out. Take some time to ask God what would please Him as an additional penance during Holy Week. And I strongly encourage you to read the Passion and Death of our Lord in each of the four gospels. Beg the Lord to show you His sorrow, His anguish, and His suffering. Allow this grow into a deep and sincere sorrow for our sins, with gratitude for the suffering He endured to save each one of us.
Thrive in Jesus, my Friends!
What else is the Lord calling you to offer for His sake? Is there something on your heart in particular? What additional penance can you willing take up?